I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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