took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Congratulations! We have a period
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
