I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
