I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize