So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
