Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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