kristin has been a bad kristin
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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