Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
