Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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