i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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