She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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