It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
