I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
