somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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