I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
