Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
