i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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