Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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