i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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