Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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