You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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