Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
