If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
