If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This is the high leading the old right now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
