I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
