I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
