I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
