youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
