My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
