I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
