Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
