Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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