I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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