: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
