tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
