Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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