Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
