I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
