What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
