I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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