i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
