he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
