My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
