I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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