I am puke
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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