I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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