so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
