I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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