don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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