I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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