Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
