I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
