You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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