You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
