At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
