He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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