So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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