hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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