I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
