I'm gonna have a badass scar
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
