if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
