Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
