The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
