Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
