Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
as a side note pls kill me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
