I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
