I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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