This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
