Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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