He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
