it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
