I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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