so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize