you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
